http://www.steveeaton.org Steve Eaton's column has been extensively tested on people in the Tacoma Washington area because it is published on the last Friday of every month in The News Tribune. While some people have experienced nausea and dizzyness while reading the column, such symptoms are only slightly more prevelant than those experienced by a test group that was exposed to other local and national columnists. Thu, 03 Nov 2005 10:06:30 PDT en-us Copyright 2003-2005, Steve Eaton http://www.steveeaton.org/default.aspx?pageId=28 If it weren’t for me, our car would blow up. That’s because I was the one who recently made sure the grounding strap was screwed in tight. And yes, I am proud. It was no small job. It took a deep-socket wrench to do it. In my world, there are two kinds of car problems. Type 1 can be fixed by turning up the stereo. With a type-2 problem, you can sometimes turn up the stereo, but the car won’t move, which can be troubling, especially in the middle of an intersection. Steve Eaton <stevetrib@yahoo.com> Humor http://www.steveeaton.org/default.aspx?pageId=27 While I typed this sentence, not once did someone ask me to download a free screensaver. It’s a miracle. I’m typing this on a computer that is clean and pure. Our computer has been a troubled member of our family, one that is loved and hated with equal measure. It’s sort of like a crazy uncle who won’t stay in the attic – a crazy uncle who insists you need to meet all the hot singles in the area. Steve Eaton <stevetrib@yahoo.com> Humor http://www.steveeaton.org/default.aspx?pageId=24 I have pictures to prove it happened. A long time ago, in the olden days, when the 1970s were trying to recover from the embarrassment of disco, I was making a living with my back loading trucks. Eventually, I quit my job to go back to college full time. I knew, however, I?d have to come back to the dock one last time to pick up my final paycheck. Even though I?d only been gone a week, I was intent upon proving that in those seven short days, I had become a huge success. Steve Eaton <stevetrib@yahoo.com> Humor http://www.steveeaton.org/default.aspx?pageId=23 We have eight remote controls in our home and no good way to turn on our television. We have a VCR, DVD player, a satellite box and a TiVo box on our humble TV stand. That doesn?t count three cheap stereo systems and a three-speaker stereo alarm clock. They all came with remotes, even the haunted alarm clock that sits next to my bed and goes off at random intervals. Steve Eaton <stevetrib@yahoo.com> Humor http://www.steveeaton.org/default.aspx?pageId=22 I need some sleep. I don?t complain about it, however, because I know what will happen if I do. You?ll tell me that you have it worse than I do. If I got only five hours of sleep, you?ll tell me that you got only three. If I say I got three, you?ll tell me you haven?t slept in weeks. Steve Eaton <stevetrib@yahoo.com> Humor http://www.steveeaton.org/default.aspx?pageId=21 I?ve believed in some silly things in my time. Once I believed that a Democratic president would be good for America. Another time I thought it was safe to vote for a Republican. Just this year I remember thinking that we would all vote for governor, they would count our votes and then they?d tell us who got the most votes. The one with the most votes would win. Steve Eaton <stevetrib@yahoo.com> Humor http://www.steveeaton.org/default.aspx?pageId=18 Next time I get sick I?m going to really enjoy it. I tell myself that now. However, in the past, every time I?ve stayed home sick I ended up feeling rotten. That shouldn?t be the case. A day off from work should be something to enjoy and savor. There?s no reason you should feel crummy every time you feel sick. It bugs me. Steve Eaton <stevetrib@yahoo.com> Humor http://www.steveeaton.org/default.aspx?pageId=10 I used to be quite attached to my material possessions. Now I see them all as things I could auction off. I recently discovered eBay. I'm afraid I'll soon be confronted and surprised by a stern-looking group of family and friends who will gather to make me realize the pain I am causing all of them with my new pastime. They'll call it an eBay intervention, and it will just be embarrassing to all of us. Steve Eaton <stevetrib@yahoo.com> Humor