By Steve  Eaton

 
   I meet a lot of new people every day.
   Actually, I’m not sure how many of them are actually “new” people. Often my new people are people that I met the day before or just 10 minutes ago.
   Most people have had the experience of being confused because someone starts talking to them and they can’t place them. Often we just talk slower in hopes that we will slow down time and we’ll be able to figure out who we are talking to before they figure out that we are clueless.
   I do that a lot. So much so that most people already know that I’m clueless.
   One time when I was in college I took a different approach. A woman came up to me and seemed quite happy to see me. I didn’t know who she was, even though she did seem familiar. I was more troubled than usual because this was an attractive woman and as a single guy I usually made an extraordinary effort to remember the names of good-looking women.
   I decided this time, however, I would not bluff. I’d just be direct and see if my honestly would be rewarded. Maybe she would understand.
   “I’m sorry, I’m a little confused, where do I know you from?” I said.
   The look on her face told me immediately that I had said the wrong thing.
   “You took me out to the football game last Saturday,” she said incredulously. “We went out on a date.”
   We had spent five hours together but that had been a week earlier. My brain had moved on. After that second meeting, so did she. I didn’t get any other dates with her, or, at least, I don’t think I did.
   It’s been worse.
   Those were the days when I was mentally sharp, before age started to slow my senses down. One time, long after I graduated from college, I met someone at a bus stop in Seattle. The Mariners had just finished playing and this person, who was from out of town, asked me how to get to the Crown Plaza Hotel. I was proud of the fact that I not only remembered visiting the Crown Plaza Hotel but I could also tell him how to get there. I offered the stranger directions to the Crown Plaza Hotel and he was grateful for my assistance. Then a key thing happened that I didn’t notice. The person left and a new person replaced that person, standing next to me on the sidewalk.
   That’s when I decided to tell the new person – who I thought was the old person – a story about the time I played a prank on someone at the Crown Plaza Hotel.
   “I was once nearly thrown out of the Plaza Hotel,” I said, and then told this random person my little story about how my prank had frightened people so bad that they almost called the cops.
   “Why did you tell me that?” the stranger said, clearly troubled by the story. I assumed he was someone who didn’t appreciate small talk on the street. Seattle commuter rules forbid such exchanges with strangers who aren’t moving. But he had talked to me first and I had helped him. I later heard him giving someone detailed directions to a Seattle location, and I realized this was a completely new person.
   Now I know what you are going to say. This is going to be a serious handicap for you in the business world. You should buy a memory book. There are easy ways to fix these problems with simple memory tricks.
   I’ve done that. I know this because last time we moved I found I had several copies of, “How To Develop A Super Power Memory.” The book apparently wasn’t too effective because I had kept buying copies, not realizing that I already had four or five on my bookshelf.
   I do remember that when you meet someone you are supposed to connect their name with some strange image. I found, however, that people are unsettled if I stare at them and imagine that they are a blue elephant riding on a bottle of Pepto Bismol. And to make matters worse, all I can remember the next time I meet them is that they are a very sick pinkish-blue elephant. The name connection is gone.
   This memory lapse not only makes my already challenging vocational life even more difficult, but it makes my relaxation time troubling too. For those of you who are “Lost” fans you know the show constantly is raising new and troubling questions for the viewers. The intelligent viewers try to put the pieces together and solve the puzzle. I just say to myself, “Cool, a polar bear on a tropical island.”
   That’s because I’m on my own level, where I’m having trouble telling the difference between new characters, old characters and flashbacks. When I think of “Lost,” I’m not thinking about imaginary characters who are lost but of my state of mind.
   I think there’s a good chance I’ll get better over time if I just focus. I’m going to start with my own family. My daughter, Sara, for example, is bothered when I call her by our dog’s name. I do know the difference. My daughter is a very pretty teenager, and my dog looks just like a dog.
   I’ve thought of asking all of my friends to introduce themselves every time they met me with their name and a little background, but I know some of my friends would take advantage of my condition and make up stuff.
   “Hi, I’m John, we met each other in rehab,” he’d say. “Remember, I loaned you $100.”
   So, I’m just going to redouble my efforts. I’m going to develop a super power memory, and then I’ll be the one with all the clues.
   All I’ve got to do is find one of those stupid books.
   Steve Eaton is a regular contributor to the Herald Journal. He may be reached at stevetrib@yahoo.com.